Dogs

Some of you know I have a canine roommate named Shakedown. That's her, above. I get complimented on her name pretty much every time I tell it to someone. It's always nice to hear, though I'm sure she's sick of me getting the credit. She's always claimed to have whispered it in my ear while I was sleeping.

I love naming things. Not just dogs. And though I'm biased, I think I have a knack for it. That said, I do know two better namers: Bob Mortimer and David Simon. Some of Mortimer's inventions include Top-heavy Ken, Slow Colin, Barbara Lighthouse, Mary Candles, and Mickey the Drink. Some of Simon's are Snot-boogie, Cheese, Bunk, Carver, and Stringer Bell.

Below is my list of quality dog names. (I also have one of horrible dog names, though I won't share it in case your dog's name is on it.)

Lincoln's List of Great Dog Names

Countdown
Bardo
Fair Play
Flowers
Finch
Flossy
Gillan (GILL anne)
Grenier (GRAIN-yr)
Ogden
Brightly
Go
Compy
Kapow!*
Pantone
Birch
Mighty* (small dogs only, please)
Ida (I-da, not E-da)
Evans
Lautrec (La-TREK)
Goffin
Mox
Catch
Snake Oil
Mon Gateau (aka Monga)
Fisty
Grapes*
Cohen
Tez
Lap-lap
Truce
Shimmy
Bricko / Bricka
Goulash
Softy
Congo
Poplar
Eleh (L.A.)
Campy
Mist
Fixer
Alef

Here's what I'm proposing: have a dog you need named? Choose one of the names above and, if you can afford it, every year of your dog's life, donate ten bucks of your local currency to a dog shelter. Preferably a no-kill shelter.

Don't know any shelters? I'll suggest Galgo del Sol in Spain. They do great work and focus mostly on Galgos and Podencos (the Spanish and Portuguese equivalent to the American Greyhound). They're also pretty great at naming dogs.

Am I kidding with this? Nope.

I sorta stole this idea from Bob Mortimer, who once proposed it with cat names and the annual donations went to him. Bob's a comedian. I'm not. I just like naming things and helping dogs.

*Not a dog name of my invention, so you should only donate $5 annually for these ones, as someone else did the heavy lifting. I met Grapes in Toronto, Mighty in West Hollywood, and Kapow! is an agility champ.

This site has been around forever and I've always found it rather neat: a searchable database of all registered dog names in NYC.

Trying to choose a name for your new friend? See how common it is in NYC, which is probably a good way of gauging how common it is in general.

You'll notice that there are no Shakedowns. There wasn't when I named her 12 years ago, either.

Land of the Strays is a short documentary about Lya Battle and her dog sanctuary in Costa Rica. Outside published an article about Battle a few years back.

Over the years I've lived in a few countries with significant stray dog populations: Cuba (1 month); The Dominican (2 months); Spain (3 months); Vanuatu (5 months).

In Playa Oliva, Spain, many homes had guard dogs which lived outside on fenced properties. At night, packs of wild dogs would hunt rabbit, cat, or whatever they could find. They'd spook the guard dogs, sending them into a frenzy, which was answered in kind by the pack until you had a cacophony of vicious barking that would last what felt like hours while you were trying to sleep.

I'd been hired to look after Blanche the cat, who was indoors with me, and I remember recording the howls and barks to share with the landlord to impress upon him the seriousness of the situation. Though technically I was not his tenant (my employer was), I was trying to help him, as he was renting the place out as a vacation spot and I thought he should speak to his neighbors about the situation.

Instead, the next day he turned up at the house with a rifle. I said, "Miguel, I'm a pet sitter. I'm not going to be shooting any dogs." He taught me how the rifle functioned and some nights I'd scare off large packs of the wild beasts by firing shots into the sky in the direction of the ocean, which was not much further than a stone's throw. Unsurprisingly, it was quite effective. It's the only real gun I've ever fired or even held.